Soul Hook (Devany Miller Book 5) (Devany Miller Series) Read online

  Contents

  Dedication

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  About the Author

  Jen's Books

  OMG! Charlie Rose Ponce, you are the bestest first grandchild a Grantasma could have! I love you baby girl.

  CHAPTER ONE

  I sat up with a gasp. Night cloaked the room in shadows and despite the nightmare that had left me certain I was about to be attacked, the room was still. No monsters lurking in the corner ready to pounce. I quashed the urge to hunt down my children to reassure myself they were safe, but I did drop down into my control room to check on their magical signatures. Everyone was at peace.

  Everyone but me.

  I’d woken with nightmares almost every night for a couple of weeks now. Usually I dreamt about Arsinua stealing Bethy away from me. A few were about seeing Tom murdered. Others were about the swamp, about Queen Anyang pulling me under and under, biting me. Or that time, so long ago, when I first met Neutria and she peeled a man from the inside out, back when I didn’t understand the world as I now knew it.

  “Are you all right?” Kroshtuka’s yellow eyes gleamed in the dark.

  “Just a dream,” I whispered. “Going to go use the bathroom.”

  He nodded, then lifted one of my hands to kiss the soft flesh of my wrist. I shivered, this time in a good way, and rose, slipping into a robe before I left our warm bed for the chillier outside. I walked down the well-worn path in my bare feet, long past wishing there was a toilet in our home when I had to get up and go in the middle of the night. Now it was my haven away from everyone, a place to be by myself, if only to pee. It was like the days when Bethy and Liam were little, when I would have killed for a chance to use the bathroom on my own. Now my kids were growing up so fast and I wished I’d spent more time happy they were around, instead of resenting their intrusions on every part of my life.

  We humans are weird and contradictory souls, aren’t we?

  Liam and Bethy were staying with their peers in the longhouses down the way from where Krosh and I slept. I saw them every day, ate with them, learned with them and yet it still pained me to have them sleeping somewhere other than with me in the same building.

  I used the bathroom, then made my way down to the gathering area for the Meat Clan, following the spiral by the moonlight. This spiral was different from the one I’d traversed to see Tytan’s mother, and yet it reminded me of her anyway.

  Reminded me of him.

  Tytan hadn’t popped in to tell me the world was ending or that he needed me to help him stop it and it bothered me. At the same time, I was glad he hadn’t shown up because I didn’t want to have to save the world. Walking bags of contradictions, hot messes, we humans … Except, I wasn’t a human, was I? I thought I was, once upon a time, but I knew better now. Poor Tom. He hadn’t known what he was getting when he proposed to me.

  Moonlight painted the grass under my feet silver. The world was quiet, the village sleeping but for a few sentries posted out of my sight. I could pretend I was the only person alive, surrounded by a vast, empty world. Knowing what I knew of people, it wasn’t as sad as it could have been.

  What had I become?

  No, I wasn’t going there. Tonight, I just wanted to breathe and be and not beat myself up for the things I’d done. So many things I would never have thought I was capable of—like snapping a monster’s neck or ripping the heart out of a sadistic, abusive man. And though I felt justified doing those things, they still haunted me in my dreams.

  The sky was full of stars and, as I did most nights when I couldn’t sleep, I counted them and thought of all the people whose lives had touched mine, wondering what they were doing now. Where was Neutria? How was Arsinua holding up in jail? How was Nex? Sharps? What would Jasper have thought of the moon sitting up there in the sky, pure and full?

  Aw, hell. I wasn’t going to get away from those thoughts, was I? They were going to haunt me forever.

  I heard a yip and looked up. Kroshtuka stood at the top of the hill in his hyena form. He yipped again. ‘Come with me, Devany. You need to run.’

  I smiled, despite the melancholy clinging to me like a cloak. “I would look stupid running.”

  His hyena laugh made me smile wider. ‘Fly then. But come.’

  Changing was coming easier for me now. I’d been practicing with Liam and we would fly together during his lessons. I was a raven like he was, nothing more than that when I changed outside the boundary lines of the village. Whatever I’d become the day I’d fought for Bethy was gone, or perhaps hidden away, waiting. “Okay,” I said, giving in, feeling lighter despite the niggle of guilt I’d woken him again. I sank into my control room and pulled my bird from the place of change. Everything shifted, my body rippled, my skin shivered and then I was shaking out my wings with a snap and ruffle of feathers. I took two awkward steps, thrusting my wings down in a powerful sweep and then I was in the air. I swooped over Krosh, who yipped and took off running, his powerful muscles rippling under his fur. He was fast; the day we’d competed for the white stag I’d seen it, but I hadn’t known him then. He’d been walking, talking testosterone, that was it. Now I knew there was a lot more to him.

  Okay, I still appreciated the testosterone part. I was human, after all. Or at least female.

  I squawked, not exactly a majestic call, and set my mind to the work of keeping up with his powerful strides, following his shape as he ran through the shadows of the trees. One of the first times we’d gone out together in our animal forms, I had worried he would disappear on one of the magical backroads that traversed the Wilds and we’d lose each other, though when he was carried away by the magic, I was too. Later, I’d asked him how we’d stayed together, and he had touched my heart with his hand. “We are bound by the choice we made. I to you and you to me. The magic of the Wilds accepted us.”

  “So,” I said, drawing out the word as I thought it through. “The Wilds is like a proud, matchmaking grandma?”

  He’d laughed way longer than I thought necessary.

  Apparently, the Wilds had blessed our union and so it made sure we stayed together even on the backroads. That wasn’t creepy at all.

  Tonight, Krosh stayed away from the backroads and instead ran along the base of the buttes that curved along Odd Silver until he came to a canyon cut into the rock. He shifted from his hyena form, so I flew down to him, pulling myself free from my raven. Water rushed in the shadows beyond us. He didn’t say anything, just kissed me and took my hand. I followed him in the darkness, dropping down into my imaginary control room to enhance my night vision. It brought back absurdly nostalgic memories of Neutria. I was glad she was out of my head, but there were advantages to having the giant, murderous spider as a brain-mate.

  It was another cave. The buttes were riddled with them. Here, though, no one
had carved into the walls or shaped the stones on the floor. Only water ran through, a deep pool fed by a waterfall nearby. Krosh didn’t take me into the water and I found myself feeling a bit impatient with him for no reason other than I could have been back outside looking at the moon and stars, not deep in a cave looking at …

  He touched the wall and a soft blue glow suffused the rock. As the light spread, a story played out over the stony surface, drawn in sooty pictographs and lit from behind by magic. It took my breath away. “It’s the story of our people. The story of the Spider Queen. The story of the First.” He pointed, directing my gaze to the apex of the ceiling, where a gigantic spider glowed above all. Stalactites dripping with water had worlds painted on their tips, worlds upon worlds, each one connected by glowing veins of magic. Across the wall danced the Spider Queen, the Witch King and Sephony. There were the first Wydlings, the first changlings, the first war between witches and Wydlings. We studied the walls until my eyes throbbed with light and my brain swam. “It’s the story of us. The story you would have been taught, had the Originator not stolen your future.”

  I slipped my hand in his and turned to him. “She stole a bit of my life, yeah, but she didn’t steal my future. I’m here, aren’t I?”

  “You are. As am I.” He pressed in close, giving me the chance to feel how there he was. His kiss distracted me for a few long, delicious minutes. “Do you wish to know why I brought you here?”

  “I figured it was to …” I wiggled my eyebrows, unable to be serious in the presence of … well, his desire.

  He laughed. “Perhaps that, too. But I brought you here to see this. I know you’ve heard the story, I know you’ve experienced some of it. But I wanted you to see it from the hands of the People themselves.” He tugged me over to the wall and pressed my hand against the warm rock. “Hear them?”

  I cocked my head and listened. It wasn’t a sound so much as a vibration that moved up through my hand to encompass me. The story filled me with light, sound, laughter and tears. The songs reverberated inside me long after I dropped my hand.

  Krosh smiled at me. “You wouldn’t have heard it if you weren’t one of the People.”

  I leaned into him. “How did you know I was feeling lost?”

  “I can feel it, here.” He pressed my hand against his chest, over his heart. “There’s still some of my soul inside you. It knows you’re unhappy.”

  I shook my head. “No. I’m not unhappy. I love it here. I love being here with you, with the kids. I love my new family and friends.”

  “Devany. It’s all right to be unhappy. I know you love me, us.” He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. “I know you have given up a lot to be here and I don’t want you to ever think your decision to cut the ties binding you to your old life has somehow trapped you here.”

  I winced but hope he didn’t see it. That was how I’d been feeling, though why I didn’t know. I truly did love it in Odd Silver, but there was a nagging feeling in my gut I needed to be elsewhere, doing other things besides anchoring the people in our village. And every time that feeling reared its ugly head, I felt guilty. I didn’t want to resent the people who had fought with me and died for me. “I’m a shitty person.”

  “You are a warrior. Do you know what it means?” He gestured to the ceiling, where Sephony held her bow. “It means carrying the responsibility for others on your shoulders.”

  It felt like a rebuke, but I knew it wasn’t, so I waited.

  “Warriors care for their people. All their people.”

  His gentle emphasis on all made me realize what he was trying to say … or at least what he was trying to get me to understand. “The Slip.”

  He nodded. “The Council too.”

  Right. They’d asked me to be a part of it, to represent the denizens of the Slip. I hadn’t given them an answer because I still didn’t consider myself Skriven. I wanted someone else to do it. Ty, maybe, or Kali or hell, even Vasili, though it was doubtful he would want to venture to Midia to attend the Council meetings. Of course, to get someone else to do it, I would have to go to the Slip and ask them. “I’m also putting off the Twos,” I said, guilt churning in my belly. “It’s not fair to Alice and Bill. Travis either.” I had visited my brother often, trying to get him to come to Midia, to Odd Silver, but he flatly refused, even when Bethy and Liam begged him. My relationship with my brother was on the rocks and I needed to do something about that. “Every time I start thinking about everything I need to do, I freeze up. I’m terrified. I don’t think I can deal with any more terror or trauma.” I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. I wanted to let someone else take care of it all. I didn’t feel very much like a warrior at all, in other words.

  “I will go with you if you need me. Or I will stay behind and care for Liam and Bethany while you are gone. They will be safe here.”

  But would I be safe in the Slip? On Earth? Knowing the kids would be okay was an amazing feeling. I had no doubt everyone in Odd Silver would care for my kids as their own. “I don’t deserve you.”

  He snorted. “We deserve each other. Fierce warriors, we are. Fighters. Meat Clan anchors.” His voice dropped low. “Lovers.”

  My toes curled. I tipped my head for a kiss and he obliged.

  “I’ll go to the Slip,” I said, much later as we lay tangled in each other’s arms. “First. I’ll do that first because it won’t cost me any time here. I need to check on Mal anyway. And Ty.” Talking about Ty with Krosh always felt weird, probably because my feelings for Ty had always been conflicted. I didn’t see that ending anytime soon, either. He would always annoy, confuse, and, yes, excite me. He was good at eliciting passionate emotions both positive and negative. The bastard. “And Nex, Vasili, and Kali.”

  “Didn’t one of your spawn challenge you, too?”

  “Right.” I’d forgotten. Now the worry over what I’d face when I hooked to the Slip came roaring back. “I hope whichever one of them it was has given up their stupid bid for ascendancy.”

  “Knowing what I know of the People, of witches, of Skriven … don’t count on that.”

  I sighed. He was right. If I went to the Slip, I’d be forced to fight someone or something. I supposed I could summon Ty or Vasili to ask them what I was facing, but I was sort of annoyed I hadn’t heard from any of them, not even Nex. Were they mad at me? Or was someone dicking with the communication between us?

  “You can defeat them,” he said, and I was flattered by the confidence in his voice.

  I wanted to protest, to argue, but that was rather stupid, wasn’t it, to rail against myself. “If I don’t win …”

  “I will take care of them. We all will.”

  Tears threatened, so I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face in his chest. They would be okay, even if I died. Hell, maybe they would be safer. “I’ll go tomorrow night. Today I’ll spend time with Bethy and Liam.” My voice broke and I had to swallow a few times to be able to speak. “I’m not going to tell them I’m leaving. Either I make it or I don’t, but I don’t think I could tell them goodbye. Do you think that’s selfish?”

  “I think you will take care of your responsibilities in the Slip and come home to us.”

  My breath hitched. I wished I could believe that with as much certainty as he did.

  The next day I spent with my children. Bethany was learning how to Dream with Lizzie and Liam had organized a couple of soccer teams, teaching his friends what they needed to know about the game so he could play. I’d never realized what a leader he was and had not expected Bethy to take such concentrated effort to learn about Lizzie’s work as Dream Mother for the Meat Clan. It seemed my kids had benefited from their adventures and some of the tension I’d been holding in my shoulders and belly lifted as I realized how well they were fitting into their new lives.

  I was the screwed up one.

  I played soccer with Liam—I kind of sucked, though not as much as I used to—and talked about Dreams with Bethany. She also taught me a couple t
ricks with magic that blew me away, including a way to chill the liquid in my cup until it was icy and add bubbles. “This is amazing. It was literally the worst thing about this place—no cold soda pop.”

  “I know, right? Lida taught me how to do that. I taught her how to make these.” She held out her hand and a glowing purple flower bloomed in her palm. “Arsinua showed me how to make them. She said they could help me bleed off some of my power if it got too strong. Making them takes concentration, which is also something she said I needed to work on.”

  I nodded, trying to keep my long-standing anger with Arsinua at bay while I talked with my daughter. Bethany had forgiven the witch for kidnapping her. I had not. I wasn’t sure I ever would. “Do you think you can show me how?”

  She looked up at me, surprised. “Yeah. You don’t know how to?”

  “Nope.”

  “Oh.” Her smile made me happy. “Well, the first thing you need to do is pool your power in the palm of your hand. Do you … do you know how to do that?”

  I grimaced. “I’m not sure.” I concentrated on my palm, holding my hand up by my face. Inside in my imagination’s control room, I eased my foot down on a pedal. As I did, a yellow ball of crackling magic grew in my hand. “Uh.”

  “That’s kind of noisy,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “Breathe out through your mouth and in through your nose. Slow. Like this.” She showed me and I followed her directions, expanding my lungs, holding the air inside, letting it out in a low whoosh of sound. As I breathed, the ball stopped popping and shrank until it was not much larger than a walnut. “There you go,” she said softly. “Now picture a flower, but you don’t want to just picture it. You need to remember how the flower smelled, how it felt, what it looked like when it got caught in a breeze, what it looked like when it died. You have to know what a flower really is.”

  I pictured a crimson tulip with a long, elegant stem. As soon as I did, my brain offered up the old joke, ‘What do you call a rose on a piano? Two lips on an organ.’ That made my mind wander to pianos and organs and finally to Krosh, who was playing soccer with Liam and his friends without a shirt.